You need to be prepared to die for happiness

〜from a conversation with my grandma with dementia〜

I had some thought while I was talking to my grandmother who has dementia, so I started writing this.

She was an active person, but her dementia has gotten worse in recent years, so she is in a nursing home so that she can get some assistance.

She somehow managed to remember her son, but she hardly remembers her husband, who passed away quite long time ago.

She seemed happy when she saw her great-grandchild, but there were some moments that loneliness came across her face while we were with her.

"I want to die," she said.

Then she continued, "I can't remember how my husband looked, and always need someone's help to do anything. I don't want to live like this any more".

Of course, I can understand her feeling. If I were in the same situation as hers, I would feel the same way too.

But I also had a sense that something wasn't right.

Is she really unhappy?

If we think carefully, shouldn't she be happy living her life like this?

I don't know her that well, but from I heard, she loved her husband very much.

She was living happily with her beloved husband until he passed away.

Even after his death, she was blessed with a lot of friends, and always looked busy going to here and there where she liked with her friends.

Now she is over 80, but is still strong enough to walk on her own feet, despite her dementia.

Her son comes to take care of her every day, and she even had a chance to meet her great-grand child.

There aren't too many grandmothers who can live such a happy life.

Why does she look so unhappy, then?

Of course, it's not that I know everything about her.

Maybe she is struggling with something that I don't know.

But I come to be more sure:

What's making her so unhappy is the absence of her preparedness to die.
In fact, to get the sense of happiness, probably we all need to have some readiness to die.

I once heard that those who are really thinking of dying never mention dying.

The desire "to die" is reversal of the desire "to live."

To understand the preparedness to die, please imagine this.

You've just lost your wife (husband) who you really loved, and lived together for years, in a car accident. The person who understood you the best is no longer with you. Nothing you loved consoles you nor gives you joy any more. You don't feel like eating or doing anything. You have let the sadness take over you, but one day, you find something strange about your body. You go to a hospital scaredly, and the doctor tells you that you have a cancer, and you have only one month left to live.

If you put yourself in his or her shoes, what will you do?

In the first week, I'm sure you will be in despair; you've just lost your loved one, and then being told that you have only one month to live.
You may then ask yourself, why is it me who has to suffer so much? Has God abandoned me?

You have only one month left.

One day, you will realize that, whether you immerse yourself in sadness or not, you have only one month left.

I don't have any time to be crying over the loss of my husband. Using the time left to me, I must do whatever I can do. I'll thank my parents for raising me, say good bye to my friends, and end this life with a nice feeling.

This is only my imagination.
I might not be able to think like this if I really put in this kind of situation.

But at least I can say that those who lament about their unhappiness are probably thinking that their life continues forever.

No one can escape death.

If you change the way you see things just a little, to keep your focus on what you must do before you die, you may be surprised to see how differently the world manifests itself to you.

That's what I think.

If you agree with it, send it to a friend or share it on SNS!

Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."

Related to "hapiness"

Related to "life"


1. Leelu
[2022/10/25 10:03:02 JST(UTC+09:00)]

Not a true statement in my opinion.

2. Fully Hatter
[2022/10/29 16:45:21 JST(UTC+09:00)]

> Leelu
Thank you for commenting your opinion.
Could you tell me why you think it is not a true statement?

Comment here, and Fully Hatter will reply with affection.

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Related to "hapiness"

Related to "life"