How to fail in your life

〜to those of you who are striving to fail〜

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Do you want to know how to become a total failure?
Do you say that there is no one who want to fail?

Well, sorry.
To tell you the truth, people are not like that.
Let's do some careful observations together.

Isn't there anyone around you who watches the same old TV program over and over?
Or someone who says no every time when his friend asks him to go somewhere or to do something he doesn't really know?
Or someone wasting his time just doing the same routine work everyday?

They are just doing great.
They are working so hard toward the end to lessen their chances to succeed.

For those of you who are like them, today I'll give you a lesson on how to become unsuccessful, more than ever.
(One possible solution may be just to die now, but because it's scary to die, let's just exclude dying from our option.)

First of all, stop enjoying what you are doing.
This is very important.
Even if you play the same video game every day, over and over, it will turn out to be your "success" in your life as long as you enjoy it from the bottom of your heart.

It'll be perfect if you can keep doing the same thing just out of habit, feeling regrets like "I really shouldn't be doing this now".
It'll be even better if you can eventually awaken to a realization that "I've wasted the whole time I was doing this".

  • Do everything unwillingly;
  • Feel guilty about doing what you love doing; and
  • Conclude that what you have done was just waste of time.

Engrave these tips into your head!

Secondly, try to avoid every contact with new things.
This is also very important.
It will be so horrible if you happen to encounter a book or something that changes you forever.

  • Never read new books;
  • Avoid meeting anyone you don't know; and
  • Take the same route every time you go to your office or school, and come home.

Make sure to follow these tips thoroughly.

Furthermore, be careful about your relationships.
Needlessly to say, you should never have any friends who are likely to succeed.
You may surprise, but you must also break your relationship with anyone who is least likely to succeed.
A study made by Harverd University (Good genes are nice, but joy is better) has revealed that happiness in life is most dependent on good relationships.
Avoid having contact with people as much as you can, and, when you do have contact with anyone, just make sure to lose touch with them as quickly as possible.

Finally, expose yourself to as many dangers as possible.
If you live longer life, you will end up increasing the chance of recovering from your failure.
Some area with many crimes in one of the least sanitary countries will be the best fit for you.
Furthermore, irregular jobs without much freedom tend to shorten one's life, so you are highly recommended to take a job like a sales rep in a big advertising agency.

These tips should help you to maximize the probability to end your life without taking much risk to succeed, but let's make it double sure.
If you are careless, something may happen that can lead you to a success.

Keep eating something bad for your health, just to make sure.
It's important for you keep doing it.
It will be better if you have some junk food in every meal.
If it's too difficult for you, start from smoking.
(Smoking comes handy, and it's easy to keep smoking because it is somewhat addictive.)

When you shop, shop impulsively.
If you want a car or something expensive, just buy it immediately.
It will be terrible if you allow yourself some time and start doubting like "should I really be buying this?"
Make decisions immediately.

If you are already following this best practice, keep up doing!
The failure is near you.

But just be careful,
because a success may catch you any time, even with a tiniest chance you barely notice.

If you agree with it, send it to a friend or share it on SNS!

Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."

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